> I can’t begin to describe the rage this racist little article inspires, and yet it’s really the best phrase book I’ve seen around. Feel free to curse with great vigor while you read it—it will help your pronunciation.
Or’zet has been around for thousands of years, or a couple of decades, depending on who you ask. It’s not an official language of any nation, but you can find it in a lot of different places. As more and more parents try to teach their children the rediscovered language, a growing community of native speakers is finding one another on the Matrix and in ork-dominated areas in the California Free State and, of course, Seattle’s Ork Underground.
Now that the Ork Underground has been given full status as a district of Seattle, it is safe for tourists. When you visit one of the friendly neighborhoods that has adopted Or’zet, it’s only polite to speak the language (when in Rome, right?). This handy guide is brought to you by the Social Justice Vanguard for your trip into the dark.
Or’zet is written in modern letters. If there ever was a written language, it’s lost now because the book Robert Page built Or’zet from was written in Sperethiel script.
b, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, m, n, p, r, s, t, v, w, y, and z are all just like standard English. There are no consonant blends, so th is pronounced like t followed by h and sh is pronounced like s followed by h.
c is pronounced like the sh in sheet or bash.
q is pronounced like the ch in cheese or scratch.
x is pronounced the ch in Bach or chutzpah.
‘ (the apostrophe) is like a k but all the way down your throat, like you’re gagging. This is the “letter” that makes Or’zet hard to speak if you’re not an ork or a troll; humans tend to vomit when they try to say it correctly. To pronounce this one yourself, either hawk like you’re about to cough up a hairball or just treat it like the glottal stop in kitten or button.
a, e, i, o, and u are pronounce the same way as in the words, hat trick mess no mud. If there are two vowels in a row, you say it a little longer, like in Japanese.
Most words have the accent on the first syllable, or on a double vowel if there is one.
Duky curet! Goodbye!
Bi’ce. Please/thanks/you’re welcome/excuse me
Cuto eyume’tu’? What’s your name?
Bi’ce, s’azate kom ya Or’zet. Please speak to me in Or’zet.
Bi’ce, s’azate ‘om p’oni. Please say that again.
Bi’ce, s’azate saporeya. Please speak more slowly.
Bi’ce, qlavate me hze ya. Please don’t spit on me.
Ya me s’azate Or’zet. I don’t speak Or’zet.
S’azate tu’ Inglic? Do you speak English?
Bi’ce, edinu A bottle of booze, please.
Hgecu’ vajza, hulg za! Cheers!
Ya xutee ekunij’kuurma. May I see a menu?
Ya me yecti devilrat. I do not eat devil rats.
‘oliiko ecena’xom? How much does this cost?
Bute xom s’und? Is this genuine?
Mo’ti ya upuuti xom van caarb me kulun? Does this come in a color other than dirty?
We’ax tu’ epistl’ya? Have you seen my pistol?
Ak tu’ ji’noo, me drundeah tu’ san enorgoz’ya. If you move, I will kill you with my weapon.
Kaa’u ya gru kom Siyaatul? How do I get back to Seattle?
Drundeah ‘om caaliah! Geek the mage!
Ya bledjeax. I’m sorry.
Ya me yumedi akaa kredstik. I do not have any credsticks.
Ak tu’ me drundeah ya, tu’ polu’e eyertz’ya. If you do not kill me, you can have my money.
Bi’ce ma’noo kom DokWagun. Please call DocWagon.
> Ya leca xom quaalzart oqo kunijex xom list. Ya gloq xomnotu blize ereth’o’a, a ya yumedi Panther raund oqo yumedi eyume’o’a.