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Review: Surdar the Savage

Everyone's Critic - 21.06.2013 10:46PM

Okay, yeah, before you say it: I know. This is a cheap ripoff of Neil the Ork Barbarian, made by a shady production house trying to cash in on the pent-up desire for more Neil adventures. But you know what? I’ll be fragged if the damn thing isn’t a couple hours of head-cracking, limb-lopping, sword-and-fur-loincloth fun. Especially when, like me, you don’t pay for it.

>>>>>[I heard about this one, but I decided to pass. Looks like they’ve got a troll in the title role instead of an ork and thrown in a drekload more violence and sex, but everything about it screams “cheesy exploitation time.”]<<<<<

—Bullet Boy (21:23:54/06-21-54)

The plot, in a nutshell: Savage troll chieftain Surdar falls in love with the rival tribe’s queen and slashes and bashes his way through anything that gets in his way trying to reach her. Boy sees girl, boy commits massive mayhem, boy gets girl. Timeless stuff that’s so bad it’s great. I think there might be about ten minutes’ worth of intelligible dialog in the whole thing.

>>>>>[Okay, I get to brag: I was an extra in this turkey. Seriously. They filmed it out in Salish a couple of years ago, and they put out the call that they were looking for orks and trolls who could swing swords to be in their trid. The money was lousy, but I was between jobs at the time so I went. It was actually a lot of fun—well, except for the parts where the limbs getting lopped off were real sometimes. One head, too. Wasn’t pretty.]<<<<<

—Torpor (17:31:18/06-22-54)

>>>>>[Anybody ever hear of an old flatvid movie called The Producers? Don’t say how I know it, but this trid was a similar deal. The guys running the show convinced a lot of investors to bankroll it, made it on the cheap, and figured it would go down in flames. Once it did, they could abscond with the money. Unfortunately for them, their investors were a little smarter than the ones in the film. They sent their watchdogs to keep an eye on the production, which meant that they had to at least make an effort to make a decent product.]<<<<<

—The Chromed Accountant (01:47:33/06-23-54)

>>>>>[Jasmine DuPree, who plays the love interest, is actually a pretty successful runner who goes by Lady J when she’s in the biz. Her fixer was one of the angels, and he got her the role. Surprisingly, she turned out to be the best part of the whole thing—the guy playing Surdar can barely write his own name. He only got cast because he was the biggest troll they could find who’d work for what they were paying.]<<<<<

—Mycroft (12:45:11/06-24-54)

>>>>>[He’s smarter than he pretends to be. He’s got an agent, and he’s already working on a deal for Surdar 2. Either that, or a part in the next Neil trid.]<<<<<

—Chucky (14:23:17/06-25-54)