The Big Girl’s Guide to Fitting In and Looking Fabulous

Sassy - 14.06.2013 10:43AM

Listen up, my troll and ork chicas. Let’s talk about the fact that the world isn’t made to fit us, and most of it doesn’t give a frag. It’s bad enough that when we’re on runs, half the time we don’t fit in the vehicle seats right, or if we lose our weapons we’re stuck using those ridiculous tiny things made for the human-sized majority. Yeah, that’s bad enough, but at least we share those problems with our brothers.

Ladies, I’m talking about looking good, and how hard it is to find fashion that fits our fabulousness and keeps us safe on the streets.

>>>>>[Huh? Did I wander into the Cosmorkpolitan file by accident?]<<<<<

—Beetlebaum (17:52:55/06-14-54)

Seriously, how many times have you set out for a big day of conspicuous consumption with the intent to wow the crowds at Club Penumbra, only to discover that everything you own is too small, fits badly, is made like drek, or looks like something your grandma would think was too old for her to be caught dead in?

>>>>>[I don’t know what she’s talking about. There’s a lot of stuff out there for the larger lady, just like there’s a lot of stuff that fits the big guys. Where’s she shopping?]<<<<<

—Bung (19:23:31/06-14-54)

>>>>>[Yeah, if you want to spend your life in synthleather and BDUs. The runner-gear suppliers pretty much get that people come in all shapes and sizes, but unless you can drop big nuyen on the high-class stuff, finding a decent clubbing outfit in troll size with some protection is fraggin’ impossible.]<<<<<

—Eleanora (20:11:51/06-14-54)

So let’s hear it, ladies: Share your secrets with your sistahs! Where do you find tres chic gear that’s suitable for the size-enhanced chica whose hobbies include occasional mayhem and getting shot at, but won’t cost every nuyen she brings in from her runs?

>>>>>[I’ve had good luck with this little place in the Underground called Bella’s House of Style. Bella’s an ork, an ex-runner, and she does an amazing job hiding the armor in her killer clubwear. Her prices are reasonable but she’s got a long waiting list. Occasionally she sells off-the-rack stuff but not often.]<<<<<

—Zipline (12:34:15/06-15-54)

>>>>>[Surprisingly, there’s a little old human tailor in Tacoma down by the docks. Name’s Noah. He’s been in business forever and mostly does formalwear, but his daughter goblinized into a troll back in the mid ‘20s and he wanted to make sure she had proper clothes. I’ve got an evening gown he made for me a couple of years ago and that thing can—and has—stopped high-caliber rounds.]<<<<<

—TrendyTroll (16:45:33/06-15-54)

>>>>>[While we’re on the subject, let’s not forget about shoes. I live in combat boots most of the time, but I found this dwarf named Gillie who works out of a little bar on the edge of the Barrens, and he imports some really hot ork- and troll-sized frag-me heels from the Black Forest Troll Kingdom. They’ll cost you, but they’re worth it.]<<<<<

—Malice (17:01:12/06-15-54)

>>>>>[I know Gilly. In addition to outfitting the ork and troll ladies, he also does a brisk business among ork, troll, and big human cross-dressers. You think you ladies have it rough? Try finding a spangly red kitten heel in size 24 wide.]<<<<<

—Glenda (19:41:55/06-15-54)